Working thru the loss of our first born,moving on w/life,trying to live w/grief,love and our future.
7/27/11
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Im supposed to be having Jacob today. My heart really hurts right now. Today is also DH & I's 6 yr together anniversary. My head hurts from all the frustrations. Tired of the random crying and feeling so lost. Hope in time I feel better.
Allergies,head hurts,body aches,time of the month surprisingly. Emotions are off the chart as usual. Keep to myself a lot. Broken glasses, 10 yr old glasses in the mean time. Fussy kitten, we think Jacob sent him to us but its still a big ?. Lonely, longing for comfort, wishing things were different, daydreaming about my baby being next to me.
These past couple of days have been rough. Wish we could rewind to April & none of this would've happen. Jacob would be here with us & our happiness would be back. I was strong when I had to be & now & then I still am but recently everything has come back like a flash flood. I'm on step 5 of 7 in the grieving process & I feel like I am going backwards. Anger is so bad, wish all these feelings would disappear. After 2 mos, yesterday I visited w my niece (2 y/o old) & nephew (2 mos old), I held back tears until I got home last night. Our nephew was born after Jacob passed so its still fresh when I am with them. I know in time I will feel better but not sure when. I hope soon in time after this has healed god will bless us with another baby.
Sitting at dinner,just keeping quite. Annoyed at stupid poeple. Today was an ok day. My mom turned 57 today. How time flys. Did some thinking about where we might be in a yr. Prayed to god about Jacob & our living situation. Feel like it helped some. To end I hope something good happens soon.
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