Working thru the loss of our first born,moving on w/life,trying to live w/grief,love and our future.
Im supposed to be having Jacob today. My heart really hurts right now. Today is also DH & I's 6 yr together anniversary. My head hurts from all the frustrations. Tired of the random crying and feeling so lost. Hope in time I feel better.
Happy birthday Jesus! God bless all the angels. Merry 1st heavenly Christmas Jacob! You are loved more than words can say. Have a wonderful day celebrating on the clouds w/ Jesus and all your angel friends. <3
Joyful Angel Cuddly Our heart Bright
* Brave Radiant Adorable Daddy's lil' man Loveable Youthful
Happy 6mos baby boy.
Even though you are in heaven enjoying your milestone,
mommy and daddy are having a cupcake for you here too.
My constant thoughts are almost haunting me. The night mare of loosing Jacob replays in mind on days I am lonely and the nights are just the worst. I often can't sleep because my mind is always working and DH is sound asleep. I pray before I go to sleep every night and I can stay asleep for about 4 hours and then I wake up like clock work . Sometimes it's scarey because I am supposed to be tending to a 5 month old and I wonder if I am sleep walking looking for him. On some days I have to wake myself up and remind myself Jacob is in heaven and he is no longer hurting. We will be okay. Today I have been in a lazy mood. Not tending to anything. But I can't tend to anything really anyways because of the clutter. Just the usual clean the stove,clean the potty, wash clothes,wash dishes and play with the pup and cuddle with her for a nap. That's how my days run together and before I know it the weekend is here. I keep my self busy by reading the books I got from the hospital …