Never ending 7/10/11

Why is there anger when loosing a loved one, especially your own child, the first child. Im tired all the time,cant sleep at night I just lay there in the quiet. My mind replays over and over. Jacob has been in heaven for 2mos. But still feels so fresh to me. I carried him in my belly and then it all came crashing down in an instant. Still unsure about things. Hate that I get mad at every little thing sometimes. I feel bad because DH annoys me at times, its not his fault just happens. Im scared to be alone, Im not gonna hurt myself just being alone scares me but guess Ill have to get used to it. Afraid to look for a job but I am doing it anyways, thinking it will ease some pain. Friends having babies bother me at times because I didnt get to experience anything. (shopping for diapers,wipes,bottles,car seat and other stuff; no shower) Guess time will ease the pain but still wonder if i will be able to have another baby.


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