Friday, September 16, 2011

9/16/11

I wake up this morning at 6:30am. Thinking of why am I awake but It is because I wasn't feeling good last night and went to sleep about 9:30pm, not like me at all. So right now it is 8:40am I am at the computer typing a new blog. The doggy and DH are still asleep.
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I think often of Jacob but isn't in a numb, why us way like it was in the beginning. I have learned to cope with loosing him and understand why he passed. I do still have those days where I am so lost and confused I have no one to talk to about how I am feeling. I get told very often that others do not know how I am doing this after loosing Jacob and how I am so strong. I truthfully don't know either I am just living life and having faith in god. I do tell my mom that when I visit, she always asks me how am I dealing with the grief and I tell her " mom I just have to be strong and tell myself that it will be okay and we will make it thru this. Not a day goes by that I think of my angel and of course I wish he was here but god needed him for something;might not know what yet but Jacob isn't hurting anymore. Please don't be sad for me." I always get choked up when I speak to my parents like I wish the pain would go away and they would have their first grand child back to hold but I know that Jacob isn't coming back to us that way. He has become an angel and is always with us no matter where we are.So I ask all my friends and family please don't be sad for us; for me, god has chosen Jacob for something good and something so good that he won't tell us just yet. ( I am crying as I type this morning) Everything in life is so powerful and of course nothing is fair but we live on. <3  God has a plan and I know he does but not everyone knows just yet. Jacob was the start of something grand for us in our lifetime. I have to keep the hope that we will, I will make it thru this grief and not let it take over my soul for I know that deep in my heart I will see Jacob again.

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