Sunday, September 18, 2011

Rain!

Finally some rain again today. So nice to have some rain here in Texas. Man did we need it and with wild fires happening sure enough. Yesterday was a bad day. Trying to fix our car and truck is understatement in our household it seems as everything that could go wrong does. On a better note we prayed for rain and got it. Been thinking about Jacob today and how he is almost 6 months old, time flies. What I wish the most is that he was here but I know that he will have a cupcake with his family in heaven on the 21st of this month so I am okay with that. I sure know all his great grandparents and so on are sure taking care of  him. I look up into the clouds on some days and I smile thinking about they are all are happy and full of joy to have such a beautiful time with Jacob. I catch myself time to time talking to Jacob's urn wondering if he hears me singing or talking about him to Sassy. I am sure he does. Sassy always looks at Jacob's urn and kisses it goodnight, she is such a sweet big sister pup. I know she would've had so much fun with Jacob. I always tell her we are going to be okay and your baby brother is fine, he is in heaven looking down on us. Melts my heart when she nods in agreement. So today has been a funky day because of the rain but that is alright. I have been trying to stay up with laundry and such. So hard to keep moving on without energy going thru this time of grief but I am moving on moving on as much as I can without letting my hurt take full control thanks to god. God is on my side, I know he is because I feel it in my heart. I thank him everyday for waking up and living. He is a great man and so loved by many. Right now I feel a warm hug around me as I type, I know it is god letting me know its okay to feel sad and happy all at the same time. I keep hoping one day we will be blessed once again and Jacob will have a sibling, our love for our angel won't disappear it will only grow stronger. I believe this deep inside some where, its my hope. DH and I have always loved the saying Hope, Faith and Love; which for our first years together is what held us together thru all our problems. Now I believe it has made our relationship what it is now and will continue to help us and help us get thru this time of grief because we will be better people for it. <3  In ending today..
I feel I am in a better place today even with my emotions having a wave effect. Everyday is another step and I will, we will make it thru this storm.
.HOPE.FAITH.LOVE.
Love you our angel baby, Jacob Bradly..always.

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